Where Do I Belong?
by MissAmyR92
Summary: Hints of Jo/Sam, therefore contains femslash hints. From Sam's point of view. The song is Where do I Belong? by Anastacia.


Sam's attracted to Jo, but does she feel the same way

**Sam's attracted to Jo, but does she feel the same way? From Sam's POV. One shot? Let me know what you think. I'm not too sure about the song to be honest. Amy x**

You don't get days much worse than this. I'm trundling through Canley Park in the middle of a torrential downpour and I could swear the end of this path is getting further and further away from me. I hate to think about what I must look like at the moment; my hair's all scraggly and looks like it hasn't been washed for months and my mascara is plastered over my cheeks. Not to mention the fact that I stupidly decided to wear a combination of a black bra underneath a white top this morning. I must look like I got dressed in the dark! An old man just walked past with his dog and even the dog gave me a dirty look at my disgusting state! I'm a Detective Inspector; you wouldn't think it to look at me now. I should be setting an example to my team, rather than looking like a drowned rat as I trudge along, scuffing my shoes as I really couldn't care less anymore.

It's all because of that bloody heap of junk I call a car. It's been on the blink for a while, first the radio packed up but I didn't use that much anyway, then the air conditioning decided to play up. I should have gotten it sorted there and then but I had plenty on my plate without all that hassle. Then I put the key in the ignition this morning, like I do every morning, and sod all happened. Fuming I was! They're not fixing it til next week, next bloody week! And it's going to cost me an arm and a leg! Little did I know that my flaming car was going to be the start of a whole day of shit in the life of Sam Nixon.

_**Life doesn't promise a bed of roses  
Or white knights  
Fields of emotions I'm trapped in darkness  
Why me?  
Save me  
To win this twisted war inside me  
Won't justify the pain  
Life doesn't promise a bed of roses**_

I walked into work over half an hour late after all that hassle to be greeted by half my DCs making sarcastic comments about my 'punctuality', the last thing I needed. Then I was summoned into the DCI's office to be told about how I need to set an example yada yada. I closed my ears to it to be honest. I had a million and one things that needed doing, countless amounts of paperwork to complete, filing to do, not to mention tidy my desk which had become a tip of late. It's not like me, letting things get on top of me but just lately I'd had things on my mind. Well one 'thing' in particular.

Ok I admit, I do have feelings for someone in the office. Ice maiden of CID having feelings for a colleague? It doesn't happen. I've been burned too many times before, Stuart hurt me, Phil let me down, not to mention the fact that Peter Cavanaugh tried to abduct me. So yes you could say that warned me off office relationships. But there's something about this one that feels like no other feeling, except love.

_**  
Lightening strikes, the pages keep on turning  
Help me to be strong  
I'm floating in a sea of strange believers  
Where do I belong?**_

I've been sitting on these feelings for a while now, hoping they'd fade away but every day they continue getting stronger and I can't control them anymore. It's awful to not be in control of your feelings but I can't stop this. I know it's bound to end with me getting hurt again but just dipping my toes in the water so to speak can't be so bad can it?

I was snapped out of my trance by the DCI clearing his throat, indicating I was free to leave and get back to the pig sty I call an office. A day in the office alone sounds like most officer's idea of hell but at least it would give me a chance to sort my head out, or so I thought.

"Sam, briefing room, 5 minutes." Jack poked his head round the door and announced.

Oh that's just fabulous isn't it? Bloody marvellous. Is it too much to ask to be left alone to think for a while? Of course it is you're a DI, Sam.

My day just gets better. It's a murder case, a 17 year old prostitute Lucy James, and Jack's put me in charge of the case and also given me the delightful task of informing her family. If there's one thing I dislike about this job, it has to be that.

Her mother was devastated, naturally. Her whole body became weak as she simply fell into my arms when I told her the news that her girl had died; I also had to tell her about the life her daughter had been living. She lashed out at me, shouting at me to get out of her house, refused to believe that her precious daughter would behave in such a manner. So now I'm sporting a bruised cheek, along with dented pride.

_**They paint you a picture of perfect nowhere blue skies  
Within every lie there's a web of comfort  
For them  
Not me  
To win this twisted war inside me  
Won't justify the pain  
They paint you a picture of perfect nowhere**_

"It's been a long day eh Sam?" I turned to see Jo Masters looking at me sympathetically. Great, that's all I flaming need.

"Yeah, you could say that." I replied briefly, attempting to organize my chaotic office.

"Fancy a drink? My shout."

"Er..not tonight thanks. Got things to do." I stammered, hopelessly making excuses.

"What like a ready meal for one and a night in front of the box?" Jo replied.

I looked to her, trying to keep a serious look on my face as she laughed at my reaction.

"Don't try to deny it Sam; it's what I'd be going home to as well. Oh the glamour of single life eh?" Jo smiled.

I found myself returning the smile. "Ok, you've twisted my arm. One drink can't hurt can it?"

"I knew you wouldn't be able to resist me!" Jo laughed, revealing a bag from behind her back and taking out two glasses and a rather large bottle of wine.

I couldn't help but laugh. "One drink I said!"

"Yeah it will be one drink, one rather large, almost resembling a bottle, drink!" Jo replied wittily.

I love the way Jo can respond with a witty comment so quickly. We share a similar sense of humour. She may drive me round the bend half the time but I admit Jo Masters can definitely brighten up my day. What am I saying?!

A 'rather large' drink later and I let my hair down a bit.

"So he said, I'm sorry but I'm a little tied up at the minute!" Jo said as we simultaneously fell into fits of laughter.

"That's not even funny!" I replied, giggling.

"So why are you laughing?"

"Because that's the effect you have on me." I blurted out as the room fell silent.

"What?" Jo asked, thinking she'd misheard me.

"I…" I opened my mouth to defend myself but I simply couldn't. I'd just ruined a professional and personal relationship with a colleague and friend, hadn't I?

_**  
I said now  
Lightening strikes the pages keep on turning  
Help me to be strong  
I'm floating in a sea of strange believers  
Where do I belong?**_

"Spit it out, Sam." Jo laughed nervously, attempting to make a joke out of the situation, as per usual.

I decided to bite the bullet and repeat what I'd said. After all, I couldn't exactly deny it could I? It would be interesting to know how she feels I suppose…

"I said, that's the effect you have on me, Jo Masters." I replied, looking deep into her eyes for a reaction.

Jo stood stock still for a moment, as if trying to process what I had just said. After a few seconds which seemed to last a life time, Jo took a step closer to me, looking down at me, her beautiful hazel eyes meeting mine.

As she opened her mouth, I was afraid of rejection, humiliation, pain. But no sound, not a word. Instead, she pressed her soft lips gently against my own. Our mouths collided again, wave after wave of ecstasy descended upon me and desire rushed through my body. This was an amazing sensation, like no other.

_**Where do we go from here?  
I wish I would disappear  
I'm a lonely soul  
So far from home**_

After a few moments, Jo pulled away from me, looking at me, as if she was staring deep into my soul, searching for my emotions. There was a long pause. A long, uncertain, uneasy pause. She regretted it. She hates herself for what she's done and she's requesting an instant transfer. I've blown everything. I've completely destroyed a once strong relationship, a professional relationship. That was all she wants us to be, colleagues and friends, nothing more. She's thinking of a way to let me down gently, to tear my heart to shreds in a nice way. She's making a speech, preparing to beat me with her words and leave me in pain, humiliated and rejected, as I was expecting. She doesn't want to work with me again; she'd find it too distressing, too painful. I was too forceful; I forced her into believing she wanted me. She was confused, the kiss was a mistake, her deepest regret and she couldn't bear to work with me on a professional level again as my previous actions would surely cloud her judgment? I don't even know if she's available. What if I had just confessed my love for someone else's partner? What if I had just forced Jo into cheating? Millions of terrible thoughts and feelings clouded my brain and made my head spin. Jo doesn't want me, doesn't need me, doesn't…

_**Lightening strikes the pages keep on turning  
Help me, help me  
I'm floating in a sea of strange believers  
Where do I.. I said  
Lightening strikes, I said lightening strikes  
Floating in a sea of strange believers  
Where do I belong?**_

…love me?

**Review and let me know if you think I should continue this please. Amy x**


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